Why I Don't Work at a Church, Part One

Back in 2005, I quit my job at an engineering firm and moved to Cincinnati to start my M.Div. A couple months later I was in a great role at a fantastic church. I'd thought since I was 15 that I'd spend my life like that, and I figured once I started I'd never stop.

When it became clear that we were moving to Wilmore, I started looking for churches in the area where I'd like to work. I found two with openings that were a good fit for me, and I went hard after both of them. I really psyched myself up for both interviews... putting my best foot as far forward as I could, emphasizing what I'd bring to the role, etc. This week a year ago, I was sure I had landed one. Neither materialized.

That hurt. I realized later that I've never in my life not gotten a job I've applied for (less because I'm so awesome than because I never apply until I'm sure I have the job). Both jobs were a great fit for me, so what exactly was the problem? Bill Hybels talks about the Three Cs of hiring: Character, Competence, and Chemistry. Where did I go wrong? I called both hiring managers and asked if they'd meet with me and help me learn what kinds of things hurt me.

Talk about a lesson in humility... or make that humiliation. I met with both for an hour each, and they gently walked me through my strengths and weaknesses in the application process. I'd been trying so hard to prove Competence, but they both said the same thing: the problem was either on Chemistry or, more frightening, Character. They both used the same sentence, almost word-for-word: "I'm not sure the right word to use. It's not 'arrogant,' but it's one step under that."

My initial instinct (the first time) was to argue: "What's one step below 'arrogant?' 'Confident?' If I'm not actually arrogant then what's the problem?" But I bit that down and tried to listen. And when the second guy said the same thing, I knew there was something there I needed to deal with. But it was hard to take.

I'd be a liar if I said I never struggled with pride (cue C.S. Lewis). But I've spent so much time and energy in the past ten years trying to root that out; for it to show itself so thoroughly to total strangers? When I got home, I talked to some folks around me, trying to figure it out. I was surprised with where I ended up.

The people closest to me said "Pride? Absolutely not. They got it wrong." The people who knew me less said "Pride? Maybe. I don't think so, but I could see where they're coming from." The people furthest from me said "Pride? Absolutely I see that in you." So what the heck is that? What kind of character flaw is hidden from myself and those closest to me but easily apparent to those further away? It took me a while to figure it out.

The ugliness that both churches saw in me wasn't pride. It was insecurity (cleverly masked as pride). It never showed up around those closest to me, because I'm rarely insecure around them. The less secure I feel, the more likely I am to act overconfident.

It's a coping mechanism that's worked well for me for a long time, and in certain circumstances still does. It's certainly been good in my present job. But when you're looking for spiritual maturity, someone who comes across as prideful isn't the one you'd pick.

So, as much as it pains me to say it, the reason I'm not working for a church right now is a lack of spiritual maturity on my part. I wasn't ready. In part two, I'll talk about the ways I think God is changing me through this.

This is my superpower

So I saw this mind-blowing video on kottke, who correctly notes that it gets insane at 3:00 and even moreso at 5:00 (when the pieces turn invisible and the dude keeps playing). Try to imagine being that good at anything. I can't.



This year's been really good for me, especially in the realm of self-awareness. I've been asking "What am I really good at? What kind of role will I do best in? Basically, what am I made to do?"

What I've realized over the past year is that I'm not the best at anything. I'm not bad, though... I'm solid in lots of areas. But for every single thing I'm good at, I know half a dozen people who are better at it than me.

There's really only one place where I'm phenomenal, and it's this:

I am always all in.

I'm not the best engineer, writer, project manager, teacher, mentor, planner, recruiter, or student. But in the past 3 years I've done well in every one of those roles because I've gone forward as hard as I can at whatever's in front of me.

It wasn't always this way. I spent my first two decades never trying hard at anything, so that I had a built-in excuse for not succeeding. "Well, I maybe I didn't (win the game/get the grade/learn the instrument/get the job) but that's just because I was only playing around. If I really tried hard I could have done it."

And then I realized that was lame. And I didn't want to be that guy. So over the past eleven years, I've tried hard to learn how to be totally invested in whatever I'm doing. And it's really been worthwhile. I haven't always had more success, but I've had a lot more fun.

My goal for the next ten years? While there might always be somebody better than me at whatever I'm doing, I'll never be outworked again.

Here is a trustworthy saying...

... that deserves full acceptance.

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me.

Character is Destiny

On yesterday's plane ride I wrote something I was proud of, only to lose it when my battery ran out. So instead, you're getting something brilliant from my friend Jim Zartman.

- I can lose my life to the violent.
- I can lose my freedom to the powerful.
- I can lose my calm in danger.
- I can lose my image when lied about.
- I can lose my resources if stolen.
- I can lose my clarity under extreme circumstances.
- I can lose my health from disease.
- I can lose my strength with age.
- I can and will lose almost everything obtained in this life.

The only thing no one can take from me is my character. If I form my character it can never be taken; it has to be surrendered by my own free will.

Character is destiny.

For People Like Me

A couple of weeks ago I started to post this, but unfortunately hit my upload cap on Vimeo. It's all here now, though, so I present it in all its glory.

If you're like me, though, you've got more media waiting to be watched today than you could get through in a week. So you'll click the following video, watch for a minute, decide Andy's boring, and skip the rest. That would be a mistake.

If you're only going to watch one part, I'd recommend Part 2 of 3, followed by 3 of 3, followed by 1 of 3 (starting at minute 7). Of course, you'll get more out of it if you watch it straight through. I bet I've watched this a dozen times in the past 5 years.

So here's part one. The main point Andy makes is that while we may say the "postmodern generation" as a distinct group of people based on their age, this couldn't be more different than the way the word and concept "generation" is used in the Bible.

Here's part two. Andy uses this time to deconstruct the modern marketing machine, especially as it pertains to the church. His main point is that advertising/marketing/branding is driven by the concept "FPLM" (for people like me) which ultimately encourages people to see themselves as part of an ever-more-finely-defined group of people that's distinct from all other groups.

And here, at long last, is part three. Andy takes what's been covered in parts 1 and 2 to show that while the church has bought fully into this FPLM concept, it's absolutely foreign to the radical breaking down of walls that was at the heart of Jesus' mission. It's actually not just foreign, but antithetical... the division of people from each other is actually Satan's gameplan, not God's.

Enjoy. My thoughts on the matter will be published soon.

Internet + Lasers + Trebuchets = AWESOME.

These guys make desktop trebuchets with lasers. Click through for the video.



Kickstarter is awesome.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1803756771/trebuchette-the-snap-together-desktop-trebuchet

God of Suffering

Not much to say that's not better said by John, except "Wow am I glad John has started writing again."

Joel Osteen's Transportation